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2 weeks ... sleepless nites ... mixed feelings ... confused mind .... not in gd state ( both physically n mentally ) ... lots of crying

i'm glad tht i wasn't alone... there were ma babes hu supported mi n gav mi a shoulder to cry on when i broke down .. ryt there in front of them cuz i jus couldn't help it... i fucking couldn't help it... n i usualy hate to cry infront of ppl... true tht m emotional although i dun like to show it...

sry salina for disturbing u at late nite n toking to u for hrs.. thnx bikesh, kusum, bunu, akriti n resham for being there... i sounded helpless but u guys were a gr8 help.. one way or other....

they showed mi it was useless to waste my tears on him... i've gotta move on...but of course i still do miss him like crazy.. m still head over heels abt him... those memories are still fresh in my mind....

i dun even feel like using comp nowadays. dun feel like coming online. both in fb n msn. it feels useless, out of point when we dun even tok.... yeah we don't now... after i asked him personally - "so, is it over?" he said - "yes" frm dat tht onwards he hasn't toked to mi. 1 week. yes 1 week. i dunnoe y he hides frm mi. i realli dunnoe. i tot we could still b frens. haish. i jus tell myself tht god has a reason for everything but saying tht doesn't help ALL the time, does it?

..

i realli can't take it animore.. it's killing mi slowly.. talking to u makes mi happi but sad at the same time.. cuz so much happened n now we pretend as though we've jus known each other for a few days... it's realli hurting.. i'm gana break down again shit...!!!

...

i realli miss uuuuuuuuu.........

y isn't it like last tym when everything around me was wonderful n bright.......

i can't help the tears rolling down my cheeks ryt now........

i realli can't help but listen to those songs u told mi to listen n i hate it how those songs bring back the old memories............

i realli can't go on like this........

i can't play this pretending game.......

pretending as though everything is alright when nth is right.........

i realli feel like shutting miself from this world....

shall i??? i guess it wud b much better n easy rather than suffering slowly like this....

....

will i be able to ?? will i b able to live everyday pretending like it never happened??

2 yrs ago it broke n i was afraid. i decided not to break it again. i decided not to give it a chance at all. i was careful not to break it again. but it broke again. now i feel fragile. i feel lost. i feel broken. i feel emptiness inside me. i'm afraid of darkness now. i'm afraid to sleep alone in my bed. there used to b a time when i was always luking forward to my bedtime so i could hear ur voice... protective, calming...

n now i wake up in the middle of night cuz i can see u in my dreams, where u're leaving mi far behind...

i bet the fact tht m not crying big time whenever m alone is because we still talk. we talk normally. like normal ppl. we still talk a lot like we used to. but we jus tok as frens n not as couples. we both noe tht it's over. m hoping tht everything wud go back to normal but are u hoping the same thing??? or does this all depend on myself onli???

she's an optimist, she'll move on, she'll b able to forget all these, she's a sagittarius... ppl around mi says tht but no i dun think so... it's realli heartbreaking...